What to Do if Your Teen is Cutting
- Jan, 26 2012
- By Dylan Broggio, LCSW
- Family Matters, Relationships
- 11 comments
Editor’s Note: This article was written by Dylan Broggio, LCSW, EWN therapist.
Finding out that someone you love is cutting themselves is very painful, shocking, information to hear. Being armed with information and a game plan can make all the difference in getting your loved one help.
What is cutting? Cutting is when someone purposefully injures themselves, but is not trying to committing suicide. Essentially, cutting is a way to deal with pain. Teens and young adults report they cut in order to cope with or relieve emotional pain, or to “feel something” when all they feel is numb. Marks or cuts are typically kept well hidden so that they can continue this way of coping with their emotions.
14% of teens report engaging in self injurious behavior
64% of those teens are girls. Ross and Heath, 2002
If suspect your teen is cutting here are some warning signs:
Cut, scratch, or burn marks on arms, legs, abdomen, etc. They can be anywhere on the body, but are usually in places that can be well hidden.
Finding sharp objects (knives, razors, safety pins/needles, tacks, broken glass) in your child’s room or belongings.
Your child’s friends are cutting themselves is a reason to be concerned.
Your teen wears long pants or shirts consistently, even on warm days, as this conceals the evidence.
Often insists that she be left alone and private when upset or depressed.
Here is what you can do to help your teen:
- Take your child to the hospital if injury is bleeding significantly or requires stitches. Otherwise a call or trip to their pediatrician is a good idea.
- Connect with a mental health professional who is qualified and specifically trained in treating self-injury. Be sure to ask.If they are not experienced with this, they should have no problem referring you to someone who is.
- Listen. Listen. And listen some more. As hard as it is, hear what your child has to say.
- Let your child know you love them, and that you are there for them.
- Participate in your child’s treatment. Often support from family and family counseling are necessary for a successful recovery.
Parents, it is important NOT to freak out. Despite how you’re feeling,try to keep your cool. Yelling, demanding they stop, will NOT help the situation. They are not doing this to make you mad, or to be spiteful. Your child is in pain and doesn’t know how to deal with it. Take a deep breath, and express to your child with that you will do what it takes to get them help.
To learn more about self injurious behavior, visit WebMD’s Mental Heath Teens and Teens’ Health. These books may be helpful as well: Cutting–Understanding Self-Mutilation and When Your Child Is Cutting: A Parent’s Guide to Helping Children Overcome Self-Injury.
If you are a teen who is cutting, you may have come across this article looking for help. Here are some tips for you:
1. Overcome your fear and ask for help. The adults in your life who love you want you to feel safe and you aren’t right now. Tell a parent, teacher, counselor; find an adult you can trust and be as truthful as you can.
2. Be picky about your therapist. Find a counselor you feel comfortable with so that you can be honest and frank with them. That way you can begin to identify the triggers that cause you to cut, and begin working toward solutions.
3. Allow your family to support you. They will help you get through this and they will benefit, too.
4. Know that there is treatment out there that can help. You may be skeptical, but give it a try, you might be surprised!
Remember, treatment is very successful. Your teen will find better ways to deal with emotional pain and your family will benefit, too. So teens, speak up, let an adult you can trust know, so they can help you begin to find relief and feel better. And parents, with your love and support, you can be a great instrument in your child’s recovery.
Are you a parent with experience that you can share? Do you have any questions? Comments? Please let us hear from you.
Dylan Broggio, LCSW is a psychotherapist with Explore What’s Next. She specializes in work with adolescents, adults and families. To schedule a free consultation with Dylan call 734.474.6987 or email at dylan.broggio@gmail.com
Maureen
My daughters are 6 and 10, and these are the kinds of things that scare me silly when I think about the fast-approaching teen years. It’s hard to believe that some parents would actually yell at their child for cutting, or demand that they stop. It makes me feel better as a mom (I am often my worst critic), since I know I’d never do those things. Freak out — yes. Get to a therapist as quick as possible — yes. Yell and demand — never.
Dylan
Hi Maureen,
, so we can be prepared IF it ever does happen. The responses that surprised you, I think come from sheer shock and fear parents feel when they see cuts on thier childs arms. Comments teens hear a lot from startled parents include, “Why on earth would you do that to yourself?” or “What is wrong with you”, or simply “you just can’t be doing that to yourself!”. Cutting is a very difficult behavior to understand, combine that with fear, and sometimes we don’t respond in the most helpful way. Hopefully this article will offer a little understanding and guidance for parents out there. Thanks for the feedback!
It sure sounds like you are a step ahead- thinking about these things before the teen years even hit! It’s great preparation to know a bit about these topics that can scare parents silly (well put
Linda Sibley
I recently found out my daughter was cutting and I did yell because it was my first reaction to a scary situation. You do not know how you will react until it happens and you believe in your heart and soul that you have loved your children with all your heart, and then one day the shock of a life time. There is no way to prepare yourself for the teen years. Don’t kid yourself thinking there is.
Dylan
Hi Linda,
, the most important thing is to openly and lovingly (though scared silly) move into action- talking to your child and getting them the help they need. That comes from a place of love and caring, which is exactly what our kids need in this moment of crisis.
So sorry for the delay in response, I was off becoming a parent myself. I certainly do appreciate your comments, even more now as a parent. Yes, I agree, you can never know your response to such a scary and shocking reality as finding out your child has been cutting. Despite what may come out of our mouths initially (goodness knows what will come out of my mouth!
Lina, Turning Winds
These are really helpful, thank you! It is best to know the signs that our teens are indeed experiencing this kind of self-infliction. I agree that our support and understanding as parents are important to help our troubled teens cope with the hurt that they’re feeling. We shouldn’t wait until it’s too late for our children, because the worst thing that could happen is for a simple cutting to end up in suicide.
Dylan
Hi Lina,
Thanks for the feedback!
Yes, I couldn’t agree with you more regarding us parents knowing the warning signs. If we can pick up the clues and intervene before it gets out of hand, everyone wins! And regardless of how badly our teens SAY they don’t want us around, they desperatly do what our support and understanding
Paige
Most parents yell at teens when they cut it does not help at all…Im 14 years old and i cut ive cut since i was in 4th grade it is realii hard to stop but its even harder when your parents yell at you for it…so if you find out your son or daughter cuts dont yell take them to a doctor to tlk about depression…but I may not be a lot of help im still struggling trying to stop…
Dylan Broggio
Hi Paige,
Thanks so much for your comment. I think it’s SOOO helpful for parents to hear that directly from a younger person who is going through it. Are you linked with a therapist/doctor? If not let me know, I’d be happy to help you find someone in your area. Truly,Dylan
Tiana
My name is Tiana im 16 And Ive cut a couple of times, at first it was scraping my arm up with an earring because they go away in like 2 days but then when things got worse I progressed to a knife and Finally i used a razor blade. I had 14 cuts on my arm and even tho it was september i started wearing long sleeves, my parents shouldve known since i dont even wear long sleeves in the winter but they didnt. Finally on homecoming night they were almost gone but my mom saw them. When she asked me why I said because and when she kept asking i told her that she might as well give up Cuz i wasnt goin to tell her (the reason was actually my parents). She told me if i did it again she would take my phone away, Thats it just take it away. It wont help if u just punish your child, cuz they already feel pain and ur just Bounding them to the place they do it at. She also said she would make me come to and from skl and no where else. If she did that i wouldve cut worse, Often times if ur child is cutting they need you to Care but they also usually need more time away from home as well, You should give them more freedom. My mom never brought it up again But my friends kept talking to me about it and eventually i quit, but not for long. Ive started up again bc i feel its the only thing i can control bc my parents are strict and i dont get to go and do many things, Teens need to know that u care and that there is help, but they also should have a life of their own before it reduces to cutting. With my friends i know i can stop. But it is like an addiction and you become addicted to the way it feels, kind of like ur own high (tho ive never been high, for the record) And thats something parents need to understand as well.
Dylan Broggio
Hi Tiana,
Thank you so much for sharing your experience, it will definitely help a lot of parents and teens to hear your story. I always encourage my teens to tell their parents directly when they need help. If parents know, they can do something to help. Often times this is Listening, Caring, and getting a professional involved. You should not be in this alone. Parents don’t always know the right way to respond, but a little guiding can do the trick. Since it sounds like you’ve started cutting again, I do want to check in with you and offer my therapeutic services or at the very least a referal to someone you can talk to. Please feel free to call me, and or have your folks call at 734.474.6987 or you can email me at dylan.broggio@gmail.com. Again, thanks for sharing. I hope to hear from you soon. Dylan
Anonymous
Hey, i am 17 and i cut. I looked this up because a teacher at my school found out and i am being forced to tell my parents. honestly, i see why cutting is an issue, but i don’t think that parents should ALWAYS have to be quite so involved.
I know my parents love me, but i also know them. And to have to talk to my mother about this is probably the worst thing for my situation. As long as the parent offers support by getting the kid an appointment and just telling the kid the times of it rather than forcing them to talk to them, i think it should be okay.
i love my parents but i am a very private person and having to talk to them is just another among the most emotionally scarring things in my life.