Trying Hard Not to be Disgusted With Myself

The Devil Invented Low-Fat Ice Cream

83909876_70cee5fff9 Last week I did everything I could to avoid the scale. Usually Saturday morning is my weigh-in day. You know how you can tell, without even getting on the scale, that the news is not going to be good? Saturday, Sunday, Monday, were all days like that.

Journaling on this blog about my weight loss journey is what finally forced me to face the firing squad. I was lying in bed early Monday morning thinking of getting up and weighing myself before coffee.

Devil: Don't do it. You know the news is bad.
Angel: You preach accountability. Be accountable.
Devil: What the Hell does that mean? You don't owe anything to anyone! Don't do it.
Angel: If you advise people to be honest with themselves, don't you have to face facts, too?
Devil: You're missing the point! Lying to yourself is a good thing! That way you avoid unnecessary pain.

Once again the Devil went too far. All the Angel had to do was fold her arms in front of her, cock out one hip and tap her foot.


Yup, I gained two pounds. Something has to be done, I thought. But first I had to resist the urge to beat myself up about it. That took all morning. The Devil wanted me feel disgusted, to give up and embrace my fate to morph into a 55 year old version of the Pillsbury dough boy. 

To be continued….

Photo courtesy of Christi Nielsen via Flickr


  • SD

    Dr Aletta,
    I knew that I would be heavier his morning than I was last Sunday. I guess fortunately it was only 1/2 pound. I seem to be in the mode of – I am not losing weight so why not just eat everything I want. Unfortunately I have been very successful at that.
    One more Holiday tomorrow then hopefully…..
    I know how to lose weight I have done it sucsessfully in the past. I just need to want to do the work to lose weight, and by that I mean stop giving in to the food. It isn’t so much what I am eating as I am a terrible eater and don’t see that changing, it is constantly giving in to the things I used to save for special occasions. The pie will be in the store in two months just as it is today so why do I have to get it today.
    I guess I too need to become accountable to myself.

  • Gabriella Gomez

    I can’t necessarily say that I have encountered a scenario such as this one, but several of my friends have. Constantly turning to me during lunch and saying “Oh my gosh I’m so fat!” which shocks me, and I ready myself to jump in and tell them that they are NOT fat, only to have one of my other friends beat me to it turning to them and saying reassuringly, “Oh, don’t be silly. You’re beautiful,” I then relax back into my seat and smile to myself thinking that crisis has been avoided and sense has triumphed. Only to hear my other friend continue saying, “unlike me. I’m huge!” Cue me rolling my eyes and turning all of my friends and scolding them for even thinking such a thing! It is sort of sad that women are constantly over analyzing their weight… even teenagers who are outrageously skinny!
    Others women who monitor what they eat and their weight to improve themselves and their lifestyle I commend you, but I also just want to remind everyone that they are all beautiful. And Dr. Aletta I would like to thank you for posting this, it is a fun-filled post filled with personality and people will be able to relate to it. Now, next time my friends question their weight and figure I will have something to give them to read.

  • Please don’t be hard on yourself. My point is just the opposite even if I haven’t written that part yet. It will happen when we’re ready.

  • OMG, Gabriella, you made me laugh! Yes, women are so bad sometimes. Do guys talk like this? I don’t think so. I’m so glad you have such a good head on your shoulders.

  • Gabriella Gomez

    If guys do talk like this then I would be extremely concerned.


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