The Real Deal: Confused in Connecticut

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Dear Real Deal,

My best friend is awesome… and just so happens to be a boy. We hang out all the time and have a blast each time, but everyone keeps thinking we’re dating when really we’re just really, really good friends. It drives me insane when the other girls in my grade come up to me and ask me if we’ve kissed yet! But I’m also completely and utterly confused, because if people think we’re going out does that mean we should go out? Please help me!

Confused in Connecticut   

~*~Vanessa’s Take~*~

Dear Confused in Connecticut,

Let me just start out by saying good for you.  A lot of girls wouldn’t have the guts to have a best friend who is a boy for this exact reason.  Secondly, don’t listen to anything these girls say, whether it be "Oh, have you kissed him yet?" or "You guys are going out! Oh my gosh!" because really it’s none of their business.  They apparently have no "love life" and to extinguish the urge to have a "love life" they insist on shoving their noses in someone else’s business.  Also just because people are thinking your going out with someone doesn’t mean you should be.  Remember: NEVER do something for somebody else’s reasons, only go out with this boy if it is what YOU want!

-Vanessa <3

Mom’s POV…..

Dear Confused in Connecticut,

There’s not a lot I can add to what Vanessa advises.   It’s all good.  You give me the impression that you are  the kind of independent person  who  generally makes her own decisions and that’s a very good thing.   The topic of boys, however, does tend to  mess up our judgment at times no matter what our age!   And when the very people who are supposed to be our friends don’t understand it can hurt as well as confuse.  Going back to basics, and asking yourself, "What do I want?" leaving out the noise of other people’s voices, and listening for that voice in your heart, helps me and maybe it will help you.

Dr. A :)


  • Okay, good post both of you but what about the boy?
    Does the boy really just “want to be friends?” When do we know when both people are interested and not just one. Could one of you be leading the other on? By mistake? On purpose? Oh its so confusing! Don’t make me quote when Harry met Sally!
    This is an example why you should never post, blog, or comment past midnight or when under the influence. Just for the record its 2AM!

  • Even though you did post a comment at 2 AM you made a good point, and thanks for not quoting “When Harry met Sally”. Anyway, we assumed that this boy was feeling the same way his friend was, annoyed at his peers for pairing them off like that, and we did check back in with Confused in Connecticut to make sure our assumptions were correct. With her permission, here is her response:
    “Oh my god! Of course we are just friends! In fact, I can back this up with hard-core facts. He is like so head over heels for this other girl, in fact most of our conversations revolve around the people we like. I help him with his problems and he helps me with mine. It’s nice just to have someone who is a guy to talk about guys with and you can be 100% sure that he won’t breathe a word. So, yeah, we are totally just friends.”


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