More From Dr Brené Brown: On Authenticty

However afraid we are of change, the question that we must ultimately answer is this: What’s the greater risk? Letting go of what people think, or letting go of how I feel and what I believe and who I am? e. e. cummings wrote, “To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody but yourself means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight and never stop fighting.” I’m convinced that choosing authenticity is one of the most courageous battles that we’ll ever fight.

~Dr Brené Brown, Take a Risk and Put Your True Self Out There

New Video Blog: How Animals Keep Me Sane!

“When one door closes another opens; but we look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, we do not see the ones which open for us.” ~Alexander Graham Bell

How 30 Minutes Changed My Life

Lately I’ve been all about clearing out the clutter in my head. It was weighing me down and spinning me side-ways! Getting reconnected with mindfulness meditation and stepping up my exercise routine have been crucial steps to handle my over-the-top prednisone induced ADD. Seriously, both have made a huge difference while I adapt to that crazy-making medication.

Yesterday I felt like doing something a little different. There is a corner of my bedroom that I’ve ignored for far too long. As I wrote yesterday’s post I realized I really would feel better if I just took on that little corner of my life.

It’s a weird little niche that is a clutter magnet. It’s where all the paperbacks I’ve read collect, photos of the kids that haven’t been properly framed pile up, a yarn bag from seven years ago when I thought I’d take up knitting, knick knacks that were given as party favors and I don’t have the heart to throw out. It’s the junk drawer of my otherwise clutter-free bedroom. Every time I looked at it, which is every day, I thought, “I should clean that out.”

I didn’t realize how much it had been bothering me. It wasn’t exactly like an episode of Hoarders after all.

Just half an hour, a couple of garbage bags, a roll of paper towels and a lot of Pledge dusting spray later, I had reclaimed my space and felt mahvelous dahling! Just mahvelous! I should have taken before and after photos! The junk was in the garbage bags (discard), a pile of books went to the library (donate), and I “found” some CDs of classical music, gifts from my father I thought I had lost (keep). Imagine that.

I was rewarded ten-fold for something so simple. Now I’m on the prowl for my next ‘fix’! What will it be? The cabinet under the bathroom sink? A file drawer in my home office desk? The basement? OK, let’s not go overboard!

As long as my zealousness stays under control and I don’t put more than 30 minutes aside to de-clutter on any given day, this might actually be fun AND good for me. How many things can you say that about?

Here are a couple of good related articles and a book highly recommend by Jane Brody, Health reporter for the New York Times:

The Health Benefits of De-Cluttering

It’s Time to Say Goodbye to All That Stuff

The Hoarder in You: How to live a happier healthier uncluttered life

Relax! We are awesome just the way we are!

That’s the message for today. I want to have a day that is guilt-free, agitation-free, restless-free and anger-free. If I have trouble with any of those I will stop whatever it is I’m doing and sit or lie down and focus on ONE THING  like maybe how awesome I am just because I’m trying! And Goddamn it, trying does count! I don’t care what Yoda says.

Ok, that sounded sort of pathetic but I think a lot of you know what I’m talking about.

I am going to the barn to see my horse because she makes me happy. She recharges my battery. The smell of the barn, the hay, the tack, the horsey smells, the sound of their nickering and chewing, stomping and blowing. If I can allow myself this pleasure for just an hour instead of feeling like I really should be doing something else, like writing a more meaningful article here on the blog that will change your life, then maybe, just maybe, I can do a little of that tomorrow. But that’s fortune telling.

For today: More simple relaxing things I can do…

Read a book just for fun!

Pet my dog because he is so soft.

Ride my new stationary bike while watching Tabitha Takes Over. Something about exercises I can do while sitting tickles the hell out of me.

Take a large garbage bag, go through the house and throw out stuff that so obviously needs to go there is no “can this be useful later?” argument. Yes, I find this relaxing!

Pretend I’m Nigella Lawson and experiment with a new recipe for dinner. I might have to speak with a British accent as I clean the leeks!

What will you do today just for fun or just to relax or just to recharge the YOU ARE AWESOME  neon sign in your spirit today?

Photo courtesy of MarcelGermain via Flickr

A Gratitude Booster Shot

Warning: This is an unabashed FEEL GOOD post!

Research supports the notion that taking the time to be grateful, by writing in a journal, through meditation or prayer, improves mood and enhances resiliency. But what about those times when we are so low we can hardly come up with one measly, teeny, tiny, itty, bitty thing for which to be grateful?

A few weeks ago a friend, knowing I was feeling a bit down, sent me this sweet little book. Without even opening it I was cheered right up! What a thoughtful thing to do! How often do we think of making gestures like this but don’t follow through? I was sincerely touched. The book is called thx thx thx, by Leah Dietrich. She writes thank you notes to the funniest little things in our lives like zippers or the TV remote. I opened the book which randomly fell open to:

“Dear Rice, Thanks for revealing your mysterious preparation to me. I know I’ve burned you in the past, pretty much every time, but suddenly I feel like we get each other, and now I can make you whenever. You taste so good. Thanks again, Leah”

It made me smile and I needed that smile right at that time. Appreciating big things like having enough energy to write more on the blog wasn’t happening. It was too big a hurdle at the time which was depressing me. But appreciating the smell of laundry as it came out of the dryer? I could do that! This little book, and my friend, reminded me.

My Mother’s Posse

Today is my mother’s birthday. While she passed away over ten years ago, (unbelievable!), her colorful, bring-it-on spirit continues to inspire me. But she wasn’t the only role model close by while I was growing up. There was a whole tribe of amazing women. They all had one thing in common. They were all ex-patriates of one kind or another. Strangers in a strange land, they adapted and thrived. In honor of my Mom’s birthday here is my little tribute to them all.

Back in the last half of the last century the Menninger Foundation and Clinic was a cutting edge international center for the study and treatment of mental illness. My father was one of many professional who flocked to Topeka, Kansas from all over the world to train and work.

My parents were from Colombia, South America. A physician, my father wanted to become a psychoanalyst. He applied to two psychiatric residencies, one in London and the other in Topeka. He was accepted into the Menninger residency program and my Mom broke down in tears. Bogota at the time was a little Paris, sophisticated and cosmopolitan. All she knew of Kansas was from Hollywood westerns. She was convinced her little family would perish in such a hostile environment.

She wasn’t alone.

The Menninger community became a society within a society. My parents’ friends came from places like England, France, Argentina, Chile, Indonesia, Egypt, Scotland, Guatemala and, most foreign of all, New York City!

The women of this micro-United Nations, were brave, strong women who made being exiled from their original homes look easy. They learned a new language, to drive, to cook (many of these women came from cultures where servants and nannies were part of the family home.) Far away from their extended families and familiar support systems they created their own in each other. They would congregate once in a while in “sewing circles” which I remember viewing from the height of a four year old. Laughter and movement is what I remember most. These women did not sit still for long.

Many of my Mom’s friends were in Kansas originally because their husbands studied and worked at the Clinic. After all, it was the fifties and sixties. But some, quietly, or in the avant guard of the women’s’ movement, had the guts to act on ambitions of their own. They studied and became nurses, psychologists, social workers, physicians, teachers and business women. Other’s were community organizers, philanthropists, volunteers.

My own mother came to this country with very little English. Back in Colombia she studied French as a second language, not terribly useful in Eastern Kansas. Although she had the American equivalent of a B.A. she went back to high school to learn English, continued through University and earned a Masters degree. Eventually she got her dream job, teaching Spanish literature at the Washburn University. All while rearing five kids and dealing with a high maintenance husband!

These women, my mother and my aunts of the spirit, their courage, tenacity, love of work and family, killer senses of humor and intellectual curiosity, thank God for them. I owe each one a great deal and hold them in my heart always.

Everyday Mindfulness When Stuff Happens

Watch this video of a renowned concert violinist playing for free in the subway and see what happens. Elisha Goldstein, author of The Now Effect, offers thoughts on how mindfulness enhances resiliency. Funny I didn’t expect to use this lesson just a few minutes after reading his post.

This morning woke up with a purpose: to appreciate the small beauties that surround me. Just being able to use my legs to walk, the softness of my dog’s fur, hot water when I want it! I was doing great when my daughter called from school needing something urgently that she forgot. She needed me to drop everything and bring to her right away!

My body tensed up like a spring. It was remarkable how fast I went from serene to severe! I was irritated that my routine was being interrupted in this rude manner. I couldn’t shake the feeling entirely but I was able to breathe enough, create enough space, to lower the volume on the irritation and know my perspective would return if I gave it a little time.

When I dropped the stuff off that my daughter forgot, she looked me in the eye and said, “I’ll make it up to you.” Knowing that she meant it, I smiled, recognizing another small beauty, and said, “Thank you.” Just like that, I fell back into balance.

“I go to nature to be soothed and healed, and to have my senses put in order.” ~John Burroughs

Valentine’s Day. Love it? Or Dread It?

~***~

Out of curiosity I posted a question on my Facebook and Twitter feed: “Valentine’s Day. Love it? Or Dread it?”

Of all the responses I received one, only ONE, enthusiastic reader said she “LOVEEES Valentine’s Day!” She didn’t say why, but I got the feeling she is one of those people who is infectiously happy most of the time. She made me smile even as I responded, “So far you’re the only one in my little survey who loves Valentine’s Day. I hope yours is as wonderful is you wish. ”

Most people, on the other hand, those who appeared to be in happy, settled relationships, could take it or leave it. A few said their anniversary was much more important to them. Flowers were nice in V-day but not a deal breaker. This response is a good example:

“I have now been married almost twenty-seven years and I can honestly say that not ONE day defines the love that I have experienced from this wonderful man in my life…”

How sweet is that? OK, please do not gag. In the interest of full disclosure I happen to fall into this category. I know how fortunate I am, like this young woman who said,

“I’m indifferent to it. To me, it’s another day. The day I truly want to express my love to my husband is on our anniversary. That being said, I do like to acknowledge the day somehow, like with a card. And I’d never turn away flowers or any other type of surprise. ”

On the other hand, a lot of people wrote:

“Dread, hugely dread” it, “Dread it immensely!” or “Hate it!!!”

They didn’t say why but I can risk a guess that it has to do with the intense spotlight on coupledom on this one day especially if you are a singleton.

“I think it had bigger meaning when I was single!!! Really…. no big deal now. Buy the kids some chocolates and the hubby those nasty necco hearts that he likes the taste of and call it a day! But when I was single, man, Valentines day sucked.”

Yes, it’s sucky to have singleness held up as if it is an aberration when really, being single is often a GOOD CHOICE! If you are leaving a bad relationship, haven’t found the right person who appreciates you, or maybe you just like your independence and freedom to sleep in as long as you like, why shouldn’t you celebrate that!?

One Twitter follower wrote, “Does anyone love Valentine’s Day? Whether in a couple or single, it seems to cause trouble.”

An excellent observation! As if there weren’t enough pressure, the jewelers, card purveyors, chocolatiers and florists of the world conspire to inflate great expectations for the “Perfect Valentine’s Day.” Pity the boys. They seem to be most pressured to perform according to the commercial script, and you know what happens to men when they are pressured to perform. Limpsville!

A little advice: Take your partner off the hook. If you want a special V-day, take responsibility to make it happen in as low key way as possible.

And what does a single person do on the dreaded Valentine’s Day?

“I make sure I give myself some love and chocolates ”

Works for me! Whether married or single, in a relationship or breaking up, a good dose of Self Love is always prescribed!

So you choose! In sweet solitude or with a friend, consider ordering dinner in, followed by a snuggle under a cozy blanket with either a bowl of popcorn, your favorite dark, dark chocolate, ice cream, a glass of wine (or vodka as suggested by an FB friend), or all of the above. Then order up your favorite movie or episode of Bones…

Could make for a sweet, sweet Valentine on February 14th or any night!

Photo courtesy Kelvin255 via Flickr