Everyone Should Be In Therapy, by Thomas Moore

Browsing the Huffington Post I came across the title of this article “Everyone Should Be In Therapy” and was immediately intrigued. The author,  Thomas Moore, ”has been a monk, a musician, a professor, a psychotherapist, an author and a lecturer. His book Care of the Soul was a number one bestseller and he’s written about 20 books in all. Currently he’s working hard trying to bring soul to medicine.”  Sounds good to me! And his article did not disappoint. Here are a few excerpts:

One of the first things I learned after beginning to practice psychotherapy was that everyone is at least a little neurotic, and everyone, at one time or another, could do with a little therapy.

…

We are not as rational as we might believe or act. Passions can get the better of the best of us. I have yet to meet a completely healthy, adjusted neurosis-free person. I include myself. I have clearly needed therapy on several occasions, and I still reflect on insights, dreams, stories and events from my experiences as a client in therapy.

…

If you are in good professional hands, therapy can help you get through your depression and grief, find work that you love, work out those marital strains and discover the fascinating universe of your soul.

I know, some people don’t like the soul word. But let me remind you that it has been around for thousands of years and has been explored with remarkable intelligence. In fact, the word “psychotherapy” comes from two key terms that Plato and other philosophers studied closely: psyche meaning soul, and theraps meaning attendant or servant. The word “psychotherapy” means literally “care of the soul.”

 These are sentiments I can agree with! To read the entire article, Everyone Should Be In Therapy, click here.

Worrier Without a Cause

Last night I woke up with a start, like being zapped by a charge of static electricity. Suddenly, at 2:00am, I was fully awake.

“Ah, s*%&,” I mumbled. What the heck had woken me up? Clearly I was worried, because I had the signs: My heart was beating fast and my breathing was shallow. But what was I worried about?

Blinking into the dark I sifted through all the possible things I could be worried about. The kids? No, they were doing great. The husband? Nope, he was good, too. Work? Work was incredibly busy but all t’s were crossed and i’s dotted there. So what was worrying me?

By now you may have caught the insanity of my situation. Just because I was experiencing the symptoms of anxiety did I have to be worried about something? If I didn’t know what I was worried about right off the bat did that mean I was really worried? If a tree falls in the forest and there’s no one around to hear it, does it make a sound? While we’re at it, what is the sound of one hand clapping?

Given enough time and enough adrenalin our silly, Neanderthal brains will come up with something to worry about. It’s like a law of thermodynamics.

Usually when we experience that crazy fight/flight response it is in reaction to a clear stimulus, like an unexpected letter from an attorney.

In contrast, there are those times when the fight/flight response happens first but our brains can’t just leave it there; we are compelled to nail it down with a reason for being. We think, “My heart is beating fast therefore I am worried, nervous, anxious.” A better, more mindful, reaction might be, “Hm, my heart is beating fast, isn’t that interesting? Let’s see if we can slow it down.”

Which is the conclusion I finally got to once I realized my brain was fishing for something to worry about. The danger was that if left unchecked it was bound to find something to give the anxiety cause, just as a toddler left unsupervised is destined to find the one uncapped Sharpie in the house and introduce it to the wall. It was time to shut the mind down with some deep breathing and relaxation.

How to Turn Loneliness into Sweet Solitude

Courtesy of Ken Schwarz via Flickr

Toni Bernhard, J.D. was a law professor at University of California at Davis. After coming down with an illness that never went away, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, she was forced into retirement. A long practicing Buddhist, Toni used her knowledge and meditation practice to help her cope with her new life. She wrote about it in her award winning book How to Be Sick.

In this article published on her Turning Straw Into Gold blog on the Psychology Today website, Toni shares her experience with loneliness. A lot of us can relate to the pain of loneliness. Loneliness is the affliction of many who are challenged with all kinds of conditions, both medical and psychological, often both! In fact, I don’t know how anyone tells when the medical condition ends and the psychological one begins or vice versa! We will hold that thought for another article…

Right now I want to share with you what Toni wrote about her transition from the pain of loneliness to the companionable sweetness of solitude. In Toni’s words…

When my health deteriorated and I had to trade the busy life of a university professor for the isolation of my bedroom, the loneliness was palpable. At times, it was hard to distinguish between the illness and the loneliness.

One day, a friend I’d met online, sent me this quotation from the theologian, Paul Tillich:

“Language…has created the word ‘loneliness’ to express the pain of being alone. And it has created the word ‘solitude’ to express the glory of being alone.”

~***~

If being alone is a source of suffering for you, see if you can think of a few positives that come from solitude (even if it’s just having sole possession of the remote control!). Maybe, like one of the people I quoted above, you can get those “creative juices flowing” to help you make a list.

~***~

Cultivating self-compassion softens the loneliness and makes it bearable. Then I remind myself that the pain of loneliness, like all mental states, comes and goes. It’s painful now, but if I’m patient, it will pass and the sweetness of solitude will take its place.

To read the entire article click here.

What is Anxiety? The Fight/Flight Response

At last the latest video from the Explore What’s Next YouTube Channel! Don’t let that awful face I’m making scare you. The video is really good. Trust me. Watch it, ‘Like’ it and share it with your friends!

7 Myths About Depression

If depression doesn’t effect you, chances are it effects or will effect someone you love. Preconceived notions of the nature of depression can make the depression worse. It isn’t uncommon for people with depression to believe they should be able to snap out of it on their own. By the time they call me they feel like they’ve failed; not realizing that the depression literally has a mind of its own and seeking proper treatment sooner defeats it faster. Too often people believe that if only they were stronger they could get out of the pit on their own. Allowing such thoughts to go unchallenged is like allowing someone to kick you, hard, when you’re already down.

This list of myths collected by John Grohol, PsychCentral founder and CEO, and his responses help to dispel some of these notions. He neatly explains why they are all false and what better, more sound thinking consists of:

1. Depression means I’m really “crazy” or just weak.

Depression can strike anyone, at any time — whether you’re “weak” or strong, it knows no bounds. Some of the
strongest people I’ve met are people who’ve coped with depression in their lives.

2. Depression is a medical disease, just like diabetes.

While it has neurobiological components, it is no more of a pure medical disease than ADHD
or any other mental disorder. Treatment of depression that focuses solely on its medical or physical components — e.g., through medications alone — often results in failure. Get to know the risk factors for depression.

3. Depression is just an extreme form of sadness or grief.

If [depression] were ordinary sadness or grief, most people would feel better just over time. In depression, time alone doesn’t help, nor does willpower (”Pull yourself up and stop feeling so sorry for yourself!”).
Depression is overwhelming feelings of sadness and hopelessness, every day, for no reason whatsoever.

4. Depression just affects old people, losers and women.

While … more women than men are diagnosed with depression, men suffer for it all the more since
many people in society believe that men shouldn’t show signs of weakness (even a man’s own upbringing may reinforce such messages).  …depression is not a normal part of the aging process. In fact, teenagers and young adults grapple with depression just as much as seniors do. …successful people have also had to deal with depression, people such as Abraham Lincoln, Theodore Roosevelt, Winston Churchill, George Patton, Sir Isaac Newton, Stephen Hawking, Charles Darwin, J.P. Morgan and Michelangelo. …being a loser is not a prerequisite to being depressed.

5. I’ll have to be on medications or in treatment for the rest of my life.

…most people who have depression do not need to be on medications for the rest of their lives (or be in treatment for the rest of their lives). In fact, a lot of research suggests that most people can be treated for depression successfully in as little as 24 weeks with a combination ofpsychotherapy, and if needed, medications.

6. All I need is an antidepressant to treat depression effectively.

Sorry, no, it’s not as easy as popping a pill. While certainly you can have an antidepressant medication quickly prescribed to you by your primary care physician, you’re unlikely to feel any beneficial effects from that medication for 6 or more weeks in most cases. In two-thirds of patients, that first medication won’t even work! Combined psychotherapy treatment with medication is the recommended gold standard for the treatment of depression. Anything else is going to be significantly less effective, meaning most people will suffer with theirdepressive symptoms longer than they need to.

7. I’m doomed! My parents (or grandparents or great uncle) had depression, …isn’t it inherited?

While researchers continue to explore the neurobiology of mental disorders like depression, having a relative with depression only marginally increases your risk for getting depression (10 to 15%).

Read the entire article 7 Myths of Depression

Anxiety and the World News: Is It Just Me or Is It Getting Hot Out There?

My mobile phone stopped working. I couldn’t make calls out or receive them. Oddly my texting did work. I texted a friend who uses the same service.

Me: ‘Is your phone working? Mine is acting up. Can’t call or get calls.’

Friend: ‘Mine is out too. OMG! DO U THINK ITS RADIATION?’

My friend was genuinely scared. As I reassured her it was not radiation, just our wireless service messing up, I realized I wasn’t the only one feeling anxious about what was going on around the world.

Lately global events have challenged even the most calm person not to give in to anxiety. Like a tsunami, one disaster after another threatens to overwhelm all our best defenses and sweep us into the void.

Here are just a few of the things we have been bombarded with in the news this last month:

• Japan: The earthquake, tsunami and now a possible nuclear reactor meltdown spreading a cloud of radiation.
• Libya: A leader killing his own people and now a no-fly zone bringing the US and allies into another possible war.
• The entire Middle East appears to be de-stabilizing.
• What happened in Wisconsin. Unions for public workers under attack.
• Earthquake recovery in New Zealand
• Flood recovery in Australia
• Haiti still struggling
• Ivory Coast

That doesn’t even touch the common everyday stuff we usually worry about:

• Wars, lest we forget, still waging in Afghanistan and Iraq
• Global warming
• China
• The national deficit and budget woes
• Drugs in our kids’ schools
• Cancer, chronic illness, infectious diseases
• Aging parents
• Making ends meet, jobs,
• Obesity
• Taxes
• Death

Yikes! No wonder we can’t sleep!

What can we do for ourselves to keep calm and functional for ourselves and our families?

Here are a few ideas:

Something Kooky’s Going On At Psych Central!

This may not last long but at the time of publication my posts are all over Psych Central’s World of Psychology blog.

I’m not one to brag. It’s just not in my DNA. But this is just too funny!

My article on 10 Reasons Therapy May Not Be Working was posted today so that’s at the top of the blog.

Right after that Therese Borchard,  Psych Central Associate Editor, sites my piece on finding a physician in Tips to Find a Good-Enough Doctor.

THEN in the side bar at the right, under Most Popular Posts these articles are posts 2 through 10. Clearly a server glitch of some kind, it still makes me smile.

Yesterday my post on Charlie Sheen and AA was on the Most Popular Posts list for like the 15th day straight. It also hit over 400 Facebook Likes, which just knocks me out!

AND another old post of mine 10 Things to Say to a Sick Friend, published a year ago, made a repeat appearance on the Most Popular Posts list.

Whew!

Do I need A Therapist? The Quiz

The first time I saw a therapist I did not know I needed one. In my mid-twenties, still in college, I had a decent job and apartment. It was my father who told me he thought it would be good for me. He was a psychoanalyst so I figured he should know. I asked him anyway, “Why do you think I should go to a therapist?”

What evidence did he see, I wondered? Self-sufficiency was something I prided myself on so I admit I was a little insulted that he thought I needed help. I wasn’t wallowing in bed all day, or starving myself to death, or contemplating suicide. Weren’t those severe symptoms what signaled the need for therapy?

My Dad diplomatically said I appeared to be stuck. My college career was stalled after bouts with kidney disease had understandably slowed things down. Healthy now, I had changed majors three times and still didn’t have a clear path for my future. I did not look happy. Maybe therapy would help me get unstuck.

Years later I can appreciate how lucky I was. Without my Dad’s gentle kick in the tush I could have floundered without direction for years. My depression and isolation would have gotten worse, I don’t doubt it for a second.

Today I want to provide the same nudge to you. Do you wonder if you could use a therapist’s help but always seem to talk yourself out of it?

Take this little quiz. (This quiz assumes you have seen a physician within the last year and medically you are well.) If you answer Yes to any of the questions AND Yes to the last question, consider a consultation with a good therapist. Therapy may give you just the lever you need to break free from whatever is holding you back from your happiness.

~THE QUIZ~

I wake up without energy no matter how much I sleep.

My sleep is totally messed up.

Often when I eat I wonder “Why am I eating this?”

I hate my body.

I am bored.

I need to drink in order to relax.

The thought of changing anything in my life, even things I know it would be good to change, just makes me feel tired or anxious.

I feel restless a lot but have no motivation to exercise.

I am jealous of my friends.

I know I’m smart but I’m mad at myself for making bad choices.

I feel like the years are passing me by and I’m nowhere.

I am in a relationship that weighs me down but I’m afraid to leave.

I’m a loser magnet. I date one disaster after another.

I dread (circle as many as apply)

- going home after work
- going to work
- looking for a new job
- meeting up with so-called friends
- running into acquaintances at the store
- the future

Whenever I spend money, time, or attention on myself I feel guilty.

Maybe this really is as good as it gets and I should settle.

I’ve been feeling this way for over a month.

7 Possible Reasons Charlie Sheen Hates Alcoholics Anonymous

In one of the myriad interviews he gave over the last week, Charlie Sheen said clearly that he hates AA. Here are a few possible reasons why he would hate AA so much:

1. He would have to admit he is powerless.
2. He would need to embrace Humility.
3. Deep tissue Change would be required.
4. He would have to be Anonymous!
5. His Higher Power could not be Charlie Sheen.
6. He couldn’t blame anyone else for his troubles.
7. He would need to learn to be Grateful.

A lot of people have trouble with Alcoholic Anonymous. AA is full of people and people can be messy and flawed.

The human train wreck formally known as Charlie Sheen is a common sight in the AA meeting halls. The only difference between Mr. Sheen and other self-absorbed, delusional, frantic addicts is the size of the audience to which they rant. These people do not last long in AA. They mock the Fellowship and the 12 Steps as too religious or simplistic. AA is beneath them.

People can get sober without AA. It is not necessarily for everyone, by any means. Even so, I have a deep respect for it.

Oscar Night: A Psychologist Goes to the Movies

With Black Swan (not ‘The Black Swan’, my kids yell at me, just ‘Black Swan’!) and The King’s Speech up for the Best Movie of the Year Oscar, and because I am tired of watching the Academy Awards and not having a clue what’s going on, I went to the movies.

Both movies are character studies. Both center on a flawed protagonist. One is fatally flawed, the other wounded but able to fight back. Interestingly, in Black Swan, Natalie Portman as Nina, is painfully on her own. The story is fiction and  meant to horrify.  In the King’s Speech, the film-makers take care to be accurate and the point of the film is to be uplifting. I found both films to be very good, even though they were very different.

You can read more here.

Black Swan: Psychiatrists Diagnose Ballerina’s Decent

“As a movie fan, it held my attention,” said Dr. Steve Lamberti, professor of psychiatry at University of Rochester Medical Center. “It was poetic in a way, showing this transformation gone wrong.”

But speaking as a psychiatrist, Lamberti said the film did not accurately depict schizophrenia, as has been widely speculated, but “does present a reasonable portrait of psychosis.”

“People tend to be scared of things they don’t understand,” he said. “If you have never treated or observed a person with psychosis, it’s upsetting.”

In the other, King George VI, Bertie, played by Colin Firth, had a therapist.

Talk of the Nation on NPR: The King’s Speech passes stutterers the mike.

In Film Stuttering Symptoms Reflect Current Research

Photo Agence France-Presse