What to Do if Your Teen is Cutting

Editor’s Note: This article was written by Dylan Broggio, LCSW, EWN therapist.

Finding out that someone you love is cutting themselves is very painful, shocking, information to hear. Being armed with information and a game plan can make all the difference in getting your loved one help.

What is cutting? Cutting is when someone purposefully injures themselves, but is not trying to committing suicide. Essentially, cutting is a way to deal with pain. Teens and young adults report they cut in order to cope with or relieve emotional pain, or to “feel something” when all they feel is numb. Marks or cuts are typically kept well hidden so that they can continue this way of coping with their emotions.

14% of teens report engaging in self injurious behavior

64% of those teens are girls. Ross and Heath, 2002

If suspect your teen is cutting here are some warning signs:

Cut, scratch, or burn marks on arms, legs, abdomen, etc. They can be anywhere on the body, but are usually in places that can be well hidden.

Finding sharp objects (knives, razors, safety pins/needles, tacks, broken glass) in your child’s room or belongings.

Your child’s friends are cutting themselves is a reason to be concerned.

Your teen wears long pants or shirts consistently, even on warm days, as this conceals the evidence.

Often insists that she be left alone and private when upset or depressed.

Here is what you can do to help your teen:

• Take your child to the hospital if injury is bleeding significantly or requires stitches. Otherwise a call or trip to their pediatrician is a good idea.
• Connect with a mental health professional who is qualified and specifically trained in treating self-injury. Be sure to ask.If they are not experienced with this, they should have no problem referring you to someone who is.
• Listen. Listen. And listen some more. As hard as it is, hear what your child has to say.
• Let your child know you love them, and that you are there for them.
• Participate in your child’s treatment. Often support from family and family counseling are necessary for a successful recovery.

Four Ways to De-Stress During the Holidays

Photo by Robert the Noid via Flickr

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Editor’s Note: This article was written by Dylan Broggio, LCSW, EWN therapist.

A few losing games of  ‘Paper, Scissors, Rocks’ with my husband, and I was tripping over my bottom lip all the way to the laundromat to do the dreaded chore of washing comforters (boo hoo).

Feeling sorry for myself and beckoning the dryer to for-the-love-of-God! DRY FASTER!  – I spotted a woman with a copy of  “The Four Agreements” by Don Miguel Ruiz.

OH.  MY.  GOOD.  THAT BOOK!  We instantly struck up a lengthy conversation about the utter simplicity and sheer depth of these teachings. It was so impactful that we both re-read the book every few years for a refresher on how to simply live happier.  Stress, depression, relationships, family issues, anxiety, job stress, you name it – this book taps into all of them and you close the book feeling lighter and, dare I say, happier?  So, I took this serendipitous moment as a sign it was the perfect time to review it (holiday season stress and all) and share it with you…

The Four Agreements. Taken from ancient Toltec wisdom of the native people of southern Mexico:

1.     Be impeccable with your word. Speak with integrity. Say what you mean, and only that. Recognize that your words are powerful; they can make you feel great or crummy. Be aware of what you say to yourself and toward others, and work to eliminate negativity. This is the simplest and also the most difficult to uphold. Try it out for just one day!

2.     Don’t take anything personally. Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is based on what is going on in their worlds, not yours. So, if your boss is being short and inconsiderate in a meeting, don’t assume it is because of you. It is most likely something going on with her, and that is her’s to own.

3.     Don’t make assumptions. We have the tendency to make assumptions about everything. However, when we do that we’re making things true in our minds that aren’t necessarily true at all. This causes a lot of suffering in the mean time. Don’t assume. Instead, clarify. Ask questions. Communicate as clearly as possible to avoid miscommunications, stress and unnecessary drama.

4.     Always do your best. That old saying we hear our teachers and parents say “just do your best”, is actually super important as adults too. By doing your best in any given situation, you avoid any self blame, judgment and regret. Go easy on yourself too. Know that your “best” will be different in times of stress or illness than times when all is going smoothly.

There we go! Four ways to create a happier life. Sounds simple right? A book you can read in two hours and only four agreements? Sure, done. Next?

Well, I will say that as simple as they sound, it does take some work, awareness and willingness to change your thoughts and actions. Hence the rereading (a.k.a. kick-in-the-pants) once a year or so.

Try just one out for a day, even half a day, and see how it feels. It just might make your season brighter!

Dylan Broggio, LCSW specializes in counseling teens and their families. She also enjoys working with adult individuals who are struggling with anxiety, depression or are overwhelmed by life’s stresses. 

Why We Like To Be Scared!

Photo courtesy of Pedro J Ferreira via Flickr

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Editor’s Note: This article was written by Dylan Broggio, LCSW, EWN therapist.

Happy Halloween!! … wait a second… why does it make us happy to be scared out of our gourd? As thousands flock this time of year to haunted houses to be chased by masked men with chain saws…many of us are left scratching our heads asking… um, WHY? What is it about us that we love to be scared?

There are a gazillion theories on this, however what they seem to agree on is that it taps into your bodies release of adrenalin!! We see or hear something scary, our brains go into hyper alert mode (aka the fight-or-flight response). We are intensely aware, and with that intense awareness comes that lovely chemical called adrenalin flooding into our veins, making us feel more alive!

Why do some people seek this out while others can’t handle it? At the biological level – we all have a baseline arousal (how jazzed up we are when we’re just hanging out). Higher baseline aroused people steer clear of this scary stuff and head for the hot apple cider and donuts  Lower baseline aroused people are motivated by the thrill seeking and adrenalin. Note: I definitely fall in high baseline arousal category. Cider anyone?

Why do men tend to gravitate more often to scary stuff than women? Men tend to have lower baseline arousal and women have higher. Hence, men typically enjoy scary movies and such more. It also varies by age, the younger you are the lower your baseline arousal, therefore young men are the biggest audience.

All I know is that it’s not for me. I’ll be spending this evening with a cup of hot cider next to the fairies and infants with monkey suits on

Happy Halloween everyone!

~ Dylan Broggio, LSCW-R

Happiness vs Pleasure

 Editor’s Note: This article was written by Dylan Broggio, LCSW, EWN therapist.

Courtesy of jellywatson via Flickr

In revisiting a favorite book of mine, “The Art of Happiness: A Handbook for Living” , I am rediscovering  a theme that is interwoven in so many aspects of our lives… the idea of pleasure versus happiness.

The Dalai Lama says our main purpose in life is to seek happiness.  Though pleasure and happiness are clearly separate, it appears we can get these two confused from time to time. The idea of pleasure in our lives is fairly easy to conjure up;  the embrace of a loved one, a sunny Saturday afternoon, a beach vacation, a bowl of ice cream, the thrill of buying a new car or house, sex, getting a promotion!  The idea of happiness in our lives… a little more complicated… Love, affection, closeness, compassion, and gratitude.

Pleasure comes from external stimuli, things outside of us, that are short lived. The Dalai Lama states, “Happiness that depends mainly on physical pleasure is unstable, one day it’s there, the next day it may not be”.  Whereas true happiness comes from an internal source, and it remains constant despite the ups and downs of daily life.

Most of us do not always choose what is “good” for us- that is, what leads us toward happiness. Instead we decide to indulge in those short lived pleasures of life, expecting long term happiness.

8 Ways Dancing Improves Your Mood

Editor’s Note: This article was written by Dylan Broggio, LCSW, EWN therapist.

Research tells us that dancing improves mood in the following ways:

1. Gives you an endorphin boost from exercise
2. Increases self confidence
3. Improves social skills
4. Expands your social network
5. Lifts your spirits
6. Reduces depression
7. Laugh at yourself (you will make mistakes)
8. Keeps you in the moment.

In tango, the man always leads, the woman simply listens and
responds. Initially I wasn’t feeling the machismo thing.I thought our teacher would
kick us out of class it I didn’t stop trying to lead!!! After countless
reprimands, I gave in. I allowed myself to just follow, to just be.

Tango is a very subtle, very precise dance. A slight
movement of my partners shoulder would order my leg to go flying behind me in a
(supposedly graceful) “boleo”. I had to be present. Any anticipation of what was coming next, I would literally
trip us up.