7 Tips to Improve Your Sleep!

Here are a few quick tips to improve the quality of your sleep:

1. Only use your bed for sleep, sex and reading that trashy novel your book club doesn’t know about. No TV!
2. Create a soothing bedroom that engages all five senses. Lavender scents, soft cotton sheets, low amber light, quiet, soothing music, even vanilla flavored toothpaste!
3. After the sun sets keep lights low. Think of it as mimicking a camp fire, which signals the brain to release sleep hormones.
4. Have a before-bedtime ritual, such as washing your face, brushing teeth, putting on pajamas, stretching, prayers, light reading then lights out.
5. Go to bed and get up at the same time (within half an hour) every day! This is very importnat even on the weekends.
6. Exercise but not within four hours of bedtime.
7. Remember to breathe! Once you are in bed, breathe a few deep yoga breaths and relax. Do not be concerned about sleep. Your only desire is to relax.

Sleep is essential to our health generally and our sanity in particular.  Interrogators know, if you want to break someone down – deprive them of sleep.

I didn’t appreciate how important sleep was until I became sleep deprived myself. About six years ago, anxiety fed my insomnia, which in turn fed my anxiety. It finally drove me to my doctor’s office.  Surely something was very wrong with my thyroid or maybe I had a brain tumor!

A complete workup that took two days and many little tubes of blood… then I met with my medical specialist.  With unforgettable kindness he asked what was going on in my life.  As I ticked off about five pretty high stress events, I could see where he was going with this, and I didn’t like it.  He said, “Well, that would do it for me!”  So the good news was my brain and thyroid were fine, the not so good news…it was all in my head.

No, it couldn’t be!  I was a psychologist for God’s sake!  Wouldn’t I know if stress was making me sick?  Turns out, if you are overwhelmed, even if you are a qualified mental health professional, you are often the last to know.  A humbling lesson. The frog in the pot syndrome a over again.

ANYWAY… For a couple of weeks I took a sleep medication to get my sleep back on track.  Then I got a crash course on sleep hygiene, learned how to breathe to calm down my anxiety and took a serious look at what I could change in my life to allow a better balance.   These are lessons I learn over and over again and now pass on to my clients.  For really serious sleep troubles I use cognitive behavioral therapy, the best non-medication treatment for insomnia.

Recommended Reading… A Good Night’s Sleep, by a couple of smart guys at Harvard Medical School.

Photo courtesy Thowra_uk via Flickr

Negotiating the Minefield of Money in Marriage

This is a talk I wish I had heard early in my marriage. It would have saved me a boat load of grief, tears and nasty fights with my husband. It’s a good thing I’ve learned a lot the hard way and through my training and work with couples. It’s time to share.

This Saturday I will be at the offices of Lauber Financial Planning to talk about Marriage and Money. Amy Jo Lauber is a very special kind of Certified Financial Planner. She cares about people, helping them to embrace good stewardship over their financial responsibilities. Once a month Amy Jo hosts the I Hate Budgeting Support Group. (Such a great name, don’t you think?) This month I have the honor to share some of what I believe can help couples come to a peaceful understanding of how they handle and communicate about money.

We all have our scripts when it comes to handling money. Often we come to our marriages as adults convinced there is a wrong and right way to do things and that is a breeding ground for stress and conflict.

This talk is meant to give you the tools to help you engage in the difficult task of coming together in how you handle money when your scripts differ.

By the end of the talk you will be able to:

1. Embrace this concept: What can I do to be a better spouse?

2. Set aside the need to dominate: Learn how to focus and listen with the intent of truly understanding what your partner is thinking, feeling, what they fear and what they hope, without defensiveness, with an open heart.

3. Learn the four rules for a “Good” argument: The difference between reacting and responding. How to create a safe zone so that you and your spouse may speak freely and confidently!

I hope you will be there, Saturday, May 5, 10:30-12Noon. Click here for directions to Lauber Financial Planning offices.

Train Your Brain to Be Happy!

Train your brain to be happy by writing down 3 things you are grateful for everyday. It might be hard at first but by the fourth week you find yourself seeing the positive around you with greater ease. That’s the message of this 12 minute LOL talk. Shawn talks fast and a little pressured, like he’s on prednisone or a LOT of coffee, but he’s so funny, smart and charming you get over it. Give it a listen.

The Rise & Fall of Weight Gain On Prednisone

Ten weeks ago I was put on prednisone to treat a relapse of nephrotic syndrome. Ten weeks ago I weighed about 145 pounds (I’m 5′ 2″) and was lamenting (whining?) about how hard it was to lose those last five lousy pounds.

HA!

How I long for those days!!! Since being on the prednisone I have gained close to twenty pounds. That’s up two dress sizes in two months. I am not here to bitch and moan, although it kind of looks like I am. I would not insult you like that! Many, many people have much worse health problems than I do and more difficult weight issues than I do. It’s not the degree that’s important. It’s that we all have more in common in our pain and discomfort than not.

On another day I will write about how we reflect on our own story in comparison with other’s, the good and the bad about it, when doing so uplifts us and when it only makes us feel worse. But that’s not for today.

Today is for anyone out there who not only struggles with weight, but struggles with weight on medication that tries its hardest to make you pack the pounds.

Because how we look does make a difference in our self-esteem. As much as I sincerely love and try to practice the “I love the inner me” message, I also like how I looked and felt in a size 8 pencil skirt.

On another day I will write about acceptance. Meaning, there’s been a shitload of ‘nothing I can about it so I better learn live with it in serenity ’cause getting mad just makes it all worse.’ But that’s not for today, either.

Today is meant to inspire us to do what we can to stay in control when the weight-gain undertow is pulling us out to sea.

As much as we hate prednisone, we are grateful for it. We take prednisone for the treatment of inflammation, asthma, arthritis of all kinds, inflammatory bowel disease, sarcoidodis, lupus, kidney disease, skin problems, allergies and more. Without it we would be dealing with a heck of a lot more discomfort than extra poundage.

More From Dr Brené Brown: On Authenticty

However afraid we are of change, the question that we must ultimately answer is this: What’s the greater risk? Letting go of what people think, or letting go of how I feel and what I believe and who I am? e. e. cummings wrote, “To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody but yourself means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight and never stop fighting.” I’m convinced that choosing authenticity is one of the most courageous battles that we’ll ever fight.

~Dr Brené Brown, Take a Risk and Put Your True Self Out There

The Power of Vulnerability

Ever think, “OMG! That’s my life! How the heck did they know?!” That’s how I felt when I saw this video. Feeling vulnerable lately I was astonished to find this TED talk of Dr Brené Brown speaking about her research on shame and vulnerability. She speaks directly and vulnerably (is that a word?) with intelligence and humor. That’s enough of an introduction. Take a look for yourself.

Here’s a bonus follow-up video Dr Brown did after the first one went viral. Two quotes I’ve got to share:

“Guilt is: ‘I did something shameful.’ Shame is: ‘I AM shameful.” Nice nutshell for two abstract concepts, guilt and shame, that we struggle to distinguish and struggle with, period!

And “Vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity and change.” Dr Brown herself is a living example of how that works.

Mike Wallace & Depression

Mike Wallace always seemed really old. His face was craggy, his voice rough and deep. He was on 60 Minutes, a news magazine show that seemed to be an old person magnet. Sadly in our culture it’s easy to dismiss old people as not relevant. It wasn’t hard for me to forget what a pioneer Wallace was, and not just in journalism.

Upon his death at 93 years old, I read a few articles about Mr. Wallace.

At his lowest and most desperate, a bottle of pills and a suicide note seemed like the only answer for the legendary journalist Mike Wallace.

Whoa! That got my attention. Mike Wallace was not known for being warm and cuddly, weak-willed or a pushover. His reputation was made for yanking people in power under a glaring light; holding them to accountability. He asked the uncomfortable questions most of us were thinking but were too intimidated to ask. I did not know he ever experienced the dark desperation of major depression.

New Video Blog: How Animals Keep Me Sane!

Enjoying the Gift of the Holiday!

In my inbox this morning was this quote brought to me by Elisha Goldstein, author of The Now Effect:

“In between stimulus and response there’s a space, in that space lies our power to choose our responses and in our response lies our growth and our freedom.” ~Viktor Frankl

Holiday’s, whatever you celebrate, Passover, Easter, the Spring Equinox, give us that space. They are a time to pause. I love that about holidays.

When I take time to observe a holiday whatever is pressing on me, worries, decisions waiting to be made, tasks needing attention, it can all wait. I give myself permission to enjoy just being. I hope you will too! Have a happy, peaceful day!

Photo courtesy Sofia Francesca Photography

Q: When Is Having a Chronic Illness a Good Thing?

Editor’s Note: Struggling with my own chronic illness issues lately, I’ve found it difficult to admit that sometimes it can get the better of me. Having the energy to write has been a challenge. My mind badgers me to post something or else I’m guilty of neglect. Neglecting the blog, readers, my integrity. As we know, it is sooo easy to think the negative about ourselves. When I went cruising into the archives to look for inspiration, I found this post. As soon as I read it again, my mind settled into a more peaceful place. I hope it you find it helpful, too.

Q: When Is Having a Chronic Illness a Good Thing?

A: When it makes you a better, deeper, more thoughtful person.

Yesterday my friend Mary Cimiluca sent me this note. Ironically I had been looking for this very quote for a month! Or maybe it wasn’t irony. Maybe it was one of those cosmic, spiritual connection things! Now that gives me goosebumps! Whatever it was, I was very happy to receive it. Mary is the Producer and Writer for the Website and Facebook pages for the Viktor Frankl Movie, Victor & I, a very cool and needed project documenting the genius of Dr. Frankl. It is amazing she had any time to write me at all!

With her permission, her message…

” I thought you might enjoy this quote a friend sent me today since like me, you have talked about living with chronic illness…this is  from the book, “The Unquiet Mind” by Kay Redfeld Jamison… In her epilogue she writes, given a chance whether to choose her illness or not, she says that she would (and now I quote her):

‘…Because I honestly believe that as a result of it I have felt more things, more deeply; had more experiences, more intensely; loved more, and been more loved; laughed more often for having cried more often; appreciated more the springs, for all the winters; worn death ‘as close as dungarees,’ appreciated it – and life – more; seen the finest and the most terrible in people, and slowly learned the values of caring, loyalty, and seeing things through.’ “

Many who struggle with chronic illness, or care for someone who does, feel the same way. Can you relate to this quote? Please share your thoughts.